I am Just A Gazer

I am just a gazer,

A starer,

An astrologer.

A searcher of five second bliss.

It is the felicity of seeing you,

That keeps my breathing in ecstasy persistent.

Not a day that you complete,

But my entire life until the reminiscence of you fades slowly.
My gapes were private,

When you catch me, it means eternity.

When yours were seize,

I am melted totally.

I am nothing but a stargazer you try to dispense with.

But you are heaven to me and I’ll explore you through the constellations.

You shrug me off intentionally,

I know, never will I be apart of your verve.

I am not pleading for anything,

All I want was only your attendance.

I am not dreaming of love,

What I am asking is only your cognizance

You are not just a star,

You’re more than a heavenly body.

I can see you through my lenses,

I know you just pretend you don’t notice.

And I’ll just be here,

In the silence of your flickers.

I’ll be nothing more than a proselyte,

Of my undying admiration to your light….

today senti

TODAY, I WENT HOME SENTIMENTAL

Today is another special day for me. Its just today that I realized my life has really changed a lot. My family, a.k.a. my SSC high school classmates let me realized this all. I learned to appreciate them more. Yes, they are my lifeline, but just today that I appreciated them clearer. We had a great night yesterday; we watch a last show movie, drink, went to the bar, had a sleepover (as usual) and talked and talked and laughed and talked and took a 1 hour sleep. We went to the coffee shop to have nice sip in a cup with the sweetest reminiscence and sentimental talks that made my cappuccino tasted better. Our lives really change. We don’t usually do this before. Our bonding sessions back in our teeny days were just barrio fiestas, laughs in the town’s park and chit-chat in one of our houses. Simple days, simple lives, shallow happiness. But now, things changed, our ways or habits are now different. Then after a sip of her ice coffee, Shayne started it all, she said, our bonding compared to other groups is different. We are more solid compared to other batches of SSC’s. I nodded.Then I just realized how special they really are, not because we are Special Science Class but because they are indeed special in there own unique way. I wont forget there smiles, there happiness, the comfort of being with them, the shared moments, the trust, the empathy, the unconditional love, the sense of great friendship and a one big united family. They are so precious that I am learning to sacrifice for them, to defend them and to fight for them. And when time comes that I have to forget about them, it will be the hardest part of my journey. If fate doesn’t allow a forever in our relationship, it will be my most tormenting. But I know one day, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be glad if they will remember me as the Martin who is bubbly, carefree, jolly, wacky and cracked. I’ll be okay if they will live their lives, slowly, forgetting someone named Martz. Maybe few more days, few more months or years it will come about. But all I am just pleading is put few more days of extension because it is too painful. But remember, things are happening because I don’t want to hurt you guys, I don’t want to see you in agony because of me. I’m posting this because maybe one day (but please never), it will occur, you will know how special and dearest you are to me. A part of my life is designed to touch yours. I love you guys and I hope to see you more, to see tomorrow, the next day, the day after the next, in succeeding weeks, months and years. I want to see you all forever. But if not, I want to see you all happy and contented with your lives. Go on… life goes on…
I will always be here for you guys without asking for anything in return. I guess that’s my fate, to meet you all dearest bros and sis and take a role in your life, to make you happy and appreciate how wonderful life is. And I am greatly proud about that. Sorry for my shortcomings…
I love you all!