what's with the BLUSH?!

YES...we watch Paano Na Kaya.. I can't belive it but nakarelate gid ko... And I cried in different scenes of the film.. after watching, we ate at Pizza Hut.. and what's with the Blushing? the smiling? the laughing? I miss you but guess what, I remained peaceful after that.. Is this a sign that I am already moving on? hope it is... I will miss you!!!

YAN..was it the FINALE?

okay.. the truth is I'm trying to get rid of you but I just can't... sorry...but I can't imagine myself living a life without you.. sorry... i'm not yet ready... but I'll try....

i'll shut up my mouth

so unfair.. they made serren look bad in front of everyone.. ni 1st year guro la gani kabalo kung anu to gakatabo... i hate it.. it was delivered in a very unfair manner... kung muto ang feedbacking nga gina tawag I'd rather not attend for another one... we commented, we complained and in the end, we were the ones who appeared to have the fault.. I hate it... I'd rather keep my mouth shut and appear nice than to open it and say bad stuffs... how unfair my college is... pero nevermind..

as far as i am concerned, they were the ones to blame for the injustice that the student have had felt about the celebration and about the financial stuffs... they had there lessons... basta ako, I'll just do what I am supposed to do... I'll make sure I will not be like them....

katapusan ng mundo..

so happy.. wala na ko sa Bacte... haha

i bought a Globe Tattoo

yep.. i finally bought a wireless broadband for my PC.. haha..

someday, its gonna make sense...

i finally did it.. i made the most daring move I had ever done in my life.. atleast know it is revealed... i know i'll be better....

THIS IS NOT GOODBYE

Tuesday... enrolment for Internship... Should I expect excitement among my peers? should we be glad because finally we will reach the final adventure of our MedTech life? How can I be happy if my closest friends didn't made it? I can't see myself continue the journey without them... I will miss you all.. to Jem, who dont deserve to lose the fight, prove them wrong... Show them what you really got... To RJ and Matet, don't waste the next moment of your adventure- this is not failure...this is just your postponed success... I will miss you all... The friendship I had with you is the most loyal I had ever had... Thank you so much for the acceptance, for the joy and the unconditional love... THE FRIENDSHIP WE HAD WILL BE FOREVER CHERISHED... ONCE AN MT-4, ALWAYS BE A MT-4...

time to change..

i love myself... i love myself.. i love myself... i'm not narcistic... i just love myself...

SCREEN TEST

Sometimes, there is a need to stand up for yourself. The “standing up” that means you have to make a big decision which will eventually change the entire picture of your present life. It could be the most difficult thing to do but though it hurts, you know that it’s for the best. It may cause me pain but I know this choice will make me happier in the end. Funny cause it is indeed true- there is no such thing as FAIRYTALE. And everything definitely has expirations. Mine has taken place.
Was it over because somebody dropped me? Of course not, I’m Martin remember? If a boss tries to fire me, I will outdo him with my resignation letter. I’m just making decisions which I know would be of my greatest advantage. It is such a heartbreakin’ move- but I know my drama is on its screenplay, I’m playing with my own visual effects and I choose the best cinematography for it. Hate me-so you will play the poor little adversary. Now, I’m bitch’n out again. Hehe.
It just started with my former ‘self-made-lead-stars’ who tried to steal the glare of publicity out of me but not surprisingly they did not succeed. And it made me into a bitter but glaring bitch. After all, I look upon my counterpart- Blare Waldorf. And if there is Blare, there should be Serena and the rest of the Powerpuff girls… thanks to them, the invasion of the spiteful, the nasty and the beautiful come about and we call the story “Friendship”…
But it didn’t stop there; a Dan Humphrey is trying to make his way into the scene. The story was smoothly flowing but suddenly he mess it all up. As if I care?! Of course I care, that was assumed to be the best part, the climax, the glitters and the music of Mariah on its background. AAAHHH!!! I was so close but aaahhhh!!! Oh well, I dropped him too...
Now I think I need a break. Im nursing grudges, oh no! It’s a bad sign…. Oh what am I thinking?! What am I saying?! I think I just have nothing to do right now… xoxo!

Lola Rene

I've reached this point that I feel so guilty. Guilty because Lola Rene is now weak and I got no chance of redeeming my self. I hated her for unknown reasons, I fought back when she had to justify something and every time I see her, I got irritated. Now, I feel bad, seeing her in the hospital bed helpless. God, please give me a chance to thank her for her kindness, patience and unmeasurable understanding. Please give me a chance to redeem myself. Thank you dear Father...

A TIME TO FIGHT BACK

Sometimes, I'm thinking of myself as a loser, weak and has no guts to stand up for himself. Well, I guess the saying "If you want to look big, join the giants" is quite real. Now I am taller than most of my foes. They hate me, I hate them too. This is just a fair way of dealing with life's bitches... hate me, I will hate you more. Beware of the plastics and learn to fight back! go Boi!!!!

THE NEXT WRITER

As I was browsing through the pages of a literary folio, I told myself: “I should write”. I should learn how to write to be exact. I’m not a writer and grammar makes my knees numb. But I will dare myself to write because this is one fascinating form of self expression. So before you continue reading the next few lines, please EXCUSE MY ENGLISH (grammar, diction and hopefully not spelling), anyways let’s just consider this as my personal style.
Since my elementary days, we are trained to write. We furnished the skills during high school with the electives on Creative Writing, Journalism, Technical Writing, Research and Literature. Now, the question is: “What happened?” The answer? Still I do not know. Since then, I really want to write…in English. But skills discouraged me to do so. While most of my classmates scribble on higher English, I remained in simple inartistic laymen’s diction. Oh crap. Wish I could write as good as those in the school paper.
I really want to write. But I do not know or what to write. But still I will write. I will not give up. I will be the best writer. I’ll be writing for Reader’s Digest and contribute on Chicken Soup in the future. But for now, I will just write for myself, improve my skills and dream more. Hey, life without a mission is not life at all.

-JOHN MARTIN DAMASCO
Writer…Future Writer

NOW THAT I’M 20

Yep, you heard it right. I’m a kid no more. Hehe. Birthdays were indeed worth remembering. Mine was just a plain simple celebration with my family and my cousins. I had a date with my ever bestfriend, my dearest cousin Twinkle the next day. Sort of post birthday celebration for me and a pre-celebration of her birthday, which is on the 21st. Hay, hopefully, as I enter the world of the 20’s I may be able to fulfil the expectations of being a 20 year old.

Now that I am 20:

I promise myself to be more mature,

That I may be able to make wise, if not good decisions,

I will strive to be good in my daily venture.

I wish that I can make it,

That I can be assertive in everything I do.

I will be positive,

And successful,

At the same time happy.

DIARY OF THE INSECURE

This past few days are hard for me (all the days actually is hard for me though). My last blog entry was about my jealousies and I guess there is no difference with what I am posting right now.

Yesterday:
St. Augustine’s Feast Day, also was the Acquaintance Day. We do have this sort of contests and playful stuffs going on around. There’s the dating game, the Jail Booth, the Handcuff-sort-of Booth and lot’s of other stuffs. I was in charged with the MTV thing which I really worked hard on and is actually a contest entry of our class. We are really expecting to win an award for that but sad to say we landed on the 3rd place, much even worse we were not declared as the 3rd placer. It was already late when we were told that there was a kind of slip that happened. And wow, should I be happy about that? In a way, of course I should be. God has beautiful way of sending instant wish-grants. But the sad part is that, it was not announced on stage, we haven’t cheered and shout so loud for our victory. We were just told after the program, amazing, isn’t it? The thing is that I worked hard for that, my classmates appreciated my effort. They cared and they supported that thing.

But much worse is that Shella, my closest friend think that the video sucks, she has lots of commentaries about it, it should be something like this, should not be like that and few more of those similar criticisms. We are friends, and she should be the very first to support me, to feel happy about my hardwork, to appreciate my effort. But did she care? Oh well, that’s life and that’s her. Shella, sometimes is so…Shella. As a friend I must accept her. But she must learn to be a true friend herself.

Well sometimes, I was thinking that hopefully I’m a different guy (here goes my insecurities again). But still I’m fighting over it. Hey, God is good and he has loads of wonderful stuffs for me.

Speaking of God’s goodness, he is so instant in granting my wishes. We won 3rd place in that not-so-good-experience kind of contest and last night I texted the least expected person I can ever deal with: Sir Andrew of Ventus… Haha, we are textmates now or sort of near to that… Anyways, he is so nice to say yes to my proposal (as a fan) of sending him messages once in a while… Love you God!!!! You are so great!

Hay anyways, last night, I partied with my friends and friend in the state of regaining, we got drunk and we ate at a Korean Resto- Kook… hehe… I miss my friends, I miss having real and true friends… I miss having cool and funny and crazy friends… I miss them all.

But there is another thing that I want to confess, I pity Julius. I pity him for choosing not to talk to me. Now, a lot of people ignore him (not something to feel flattered on). And he is always alone. I was once his friend, who tried to changed him, who was helping him out but things altered. Now he is somewhat lost, kind of hated... He is misunderstood. I hope things will be better for him…and for me. Well that is all… Hoping my next entry will be something positive…

By the way, my Mom was admitted at the hospital for her TAHBSU Operation. She is better now and expecting to be discharged tomorrow. Thanks God!

diary

life isn't really fair... I tried to make it better, but it gone worse... Still I know that all of this damn stuffs are just tests that I need to pass. I flunked once, never will it happen again... Feel so down right now... School's a piece of shit... Teacher's hate me... dunno why... I tried my best to redeem myself, but still to no avail... When will they be able to find out that I'm okay! that I'm good, that I can do better.. I want to wet my pillows sometimes, but good thing I can manage my emotions better now. Another dilemma, my former friends are stabbing me at my back... Yeah, hate those people who have the guts to betray there friends... I am avoiding those people who have the tendency to be bitches when you're not around.... But my biggest frustration is "Bebe" is ignoring me now... wrong tactics, wrong attacks, wrong strategies... hate it... feelin' bad about it... But life will always be this way... I will always be the Martin who is alone, pretentious and eager in searching for true happiness. Thanks to those who are giving me the air to breathe when I am suffocated with loneliness...


I miss my life... I miss myself.... I miss happiness...

things I should fuckingly be happy about

yeah... things that made me feel great:

I flunked my exams for the first time- another record breaking moment

teachers hate me for being so irresistibly cute

I have a very high IQ, so high that I could hardly understand my lessons

I engaged myself to a pot session inside the school...pot session of muriatic acid, zonrox and Lysol all at the same time....

mumu... huhuhu... la lang... gapun nagkadto kami sa SM with Clarrise, Troy, Julius kag Shella.... Hahha... naglibre si Ian Pizza Hut... Si Menvie nakita ko naman after pila ka months... Miss mah friends... hekhek......



Watch ang iban Urbandub concert, la ko ya kaupod... huhu... pro it's okay...




Today, school aku... I thought my cl;ass pero close ang laboratory... nag net nalang kami... wahaha..

IT REALLY WORKS

Who would have thought I will make it to Ventus. It was a tough training and I made it. Before, I was really hopeless. I was thinking I will never make it. But now everything is in order. It coordinates to what I really want. First, I have an AM job that I really wanted. I am teaching young individuals in Elementary to read. It must not bring conflict to my PM job. Hey, what a good fate. During re-shifting, I remain to my PM schedule. What a wow! I enjoyed it. Last night, when Ronn texted me that I got the highest number of messages transcribed (my CSR job), I checked it on the bulletin board and it was really posted there! Wow! I was one of the lowest pointers during the training but hey, I made it! Wow again for that!!! And tomorrow, I’ll be receiving my first salary… Oooohhh… That’s a bigger WOW!!!! I am so lucky!!! NO, I have the best fate!!! Thanks to God for that!!! I am so happy. I know that I will make it to the QA (Quality Assurance-sort of evaluation). I will make it. I know that. Now, Martin is the luckiest guy alive!!! He is so good now. I love myself. Thanks for everything. Thanks for showing me the true meaning of living! I am sooo happy!!!! I will make sure that I am doing my best in everything. Watch out for the new Me. It’s the new Martin who is existing right now. Bonus news: I got admirers!!! Wahahaha… Who would have thought that I will have vocal admirers???? Oh, what a life!!! I’m so flattered. …

MY WISH LIST

1. I earn an unexpected salary of P15,000
2. I own a PSP
3. I play with my Game Boy
4. I listen to my Ipod Touch
5. I have an oozing Beautiful Face
6. I have a mouth-watering Sexy Body
7. Happiness
8. I have a perfect Relationship
9. I am sooo HEALTHY.
10. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.
11. I AM LOVED
12. I am a MILLIONARE
13. I OWN A MANSION
14. IT’S A PALACE WITH A VINEYARD
15. I’M A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN
16. I TOUCHED THE LIVES OF MANY
17. I AM HAPPY
18. GOD LOVES ME.
19. PEOPLE CARED FOR ME
20. I AM POPULAR
21. I HAVE WRITTEN A BESTSELLER BOOK WORLDWIDE
22. I AM AN ACTOR
22. THE PHILLIPINNES IS ONE OF THE RICHEST COUNTRY
23. EVERYBODY IS LIVING ON ABUNDANCE
24. I AM FREE
25. MY FAMILY IS IN GOOD CONDITION
26. I HAVE A PEACEFUL AND SATISFYING LIFE.
27. I CLIMB MOUNTAINS.
28. I KNOW A LOT OF SPORTS.
29. I AM DREAMING FOR MORE.
30. EVERYTHING IS REAL.

THE NEW DAY HAS FINALLY COME

The darkest part of the day is just right before the dawn. Now my dawn has finally come. I didn’t realize that I will change my life in an instant after playing the pirated DVD I borrowed from Elanie. Who would have thought that the guy who is so inferior, crazy and lonely has changed his life just after watching this certain docu film. I am happier now. And I am so glad that the Universe conspires with me. Now, everything is in proper order. I don’t wet my pillows with tears anymore. I became aware of the true meaning of living. Life is indeed full of mysteries. I am so glad that I discovered one. And who would have thought it is because of a pirated DVD? Know the Law of Attraction? Kim has it before me. He asked me before about the book “The Secret”. Of course I am aware that the book exists but I didn’t realize that I was almost there. I haven’t read that book but I had watched the film. Now I am happier. I am living the life that I was always pleading to God. I am happier now. I am destined to be happy, to look for happiness, to share it and to be admired because of it. I had a part-time job that I really wanted, I appreciate the best family that I am having, I am loved by the people around me, I am lucky with everything. No, it’s not luck, its fate. Now, people would come to me because they are likening me, not because they need me. I can manage my health better this time despite the hectic schedules. I appreciate everything. I give gratitude to the things that I owe to God. I love myself now. No more self-pity, no more grudges, no more loneliness and no more fears. I am happy, I am glad, I am the best and I am beautiful. Ho w about you? Do you remember the last time you told that to yourself? Do you still recall the times that you were so happy? Do you wish that life would be better? Think again. The answer is just in your heart. The mind conceives it, your body will achieve it. Be attractive. Feel attractive. Be happy. It is just the state of mind; the state of mind which is larger and wider than you think. Remember the last few lines of Desiderata? You are the Child of the Universe. No less than the trees and the stars. You have the right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt that the Universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God. Whatever you conceive him to be; And whatever your labors and aspirations in this changing fortunes of time. Keep peace within your soul. With all the sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.See for yourself my friends. Learn to unfold the deepest secret within you. Rejoice and be happy with God! Feel good with yourself!