Friday, August 29, 2008


This past few days are hard for me (all the days actually is hard for me though). My last blog entry was about my jealousies and I guess there is no difference with what I am posting right now.

St. Augustine’s Feast Day, also was the Acquaintance Day. We do have this sort of contests and playful stuffs going on around. There’s the dating game, the Jail Booth, the Handcuff-sort-of Booth and lot’s of other stuffs. I was in charged with the MTV thing which I really worked hard on and is actually a contest entry of our class. We are really expecting to win an award for that but sad to say we landed on the 3rd place, much even worse we were not declared as the 3rd placer. It was already late when we were told that there was a kind of slip that happened. And wow, should I be happy about that? In a way, of course I should be. God has beautiful way of sending instant wish-grants. But the sad part is that, it was not announced on stage, we haven’t cheered and shout so loud for our victory. We were just told after the program, amazing, isn’t it? The thing is that I worked hard for that, my classmates appreciated my effort. They cared and they supported that thing.

But much worse is that Shella, my closest friend think that the video sucks, she has lots of commentaries about it, it should be something like this, should not be like that and few more of those similar criticisms. We are friends, and she should be the very first to support me, to feel happy about my hardwork, to appreciate my effort. But did she care? Oh well, that’s life and that’s her. Shella, sometimes is so…Shella. As a friend I must accept her. But she must learn to be a true friend herself.

Well sometimes, I was thinking that hopefully I’m a different guy (here goes my insecurities again). But still I’m fighting over it. Hey, God is good and he has loads of wonderful stuffs for me.

Speaking of God’s goodness, he is so instant in granting my wishes. We won 3rd place in that not-so-good-experience kind of contest and last night I texted the least expected person I can ever deal with: Sir Andrew of Ventus… Haha, we are textmates now or sort of near to that… Anyways, he is so nice to say yes to my proposal (as a fan) of sending him messages once in a while… Love you God!!!! You are so great!

Hay anyways, last night, I partied with my friends and friend in the state of regaining, we got drunk and we ate at a Korean Resto- Kook… hehe… I miss my friends, I miss having real and true friends… I miss having cool and funny and crazy friends… I miss them all.

But there is another thing that I want to confess, I pity Julius. I pity him for choosing not to talk to me. Now, a lot of people ignore him (not something to feel flattered on). And he is always alone. I was once his friend, who tried to changed him, who was helping him out but things altered. Now he is somewhat lost, kind of hated... He is misunderstood. I hope things will be better for him…and for me. Well that is all… Hoping my next entry will be something positive…

By the way, my Mom was admitted at the hospital for her TAHBSU Operation. She is better now and expecting to be discharged tomorrow. Thanks God!

Thursday, August 14, 2008


life isn't really fair... I tried to make it better, but it gone worse... Still I know that all of this damn stuffs are just tests that I need to pass. I flunked once, never will it happen again... Feel so down right now... School's a piece of shit... Teacher's hate me... dunno why... I tried my best to redeem myself, but still to no avail... When will they be able to find out that I'm okay! that I'm good, that I can do better.. I want to wet my pillows sometimes, but good thing I can manage my emotions better now. Another dilemma, my former friends are stabbing me at my back... Yeah, hate those people who have the guts to betray there friends... I am avoiding those people who have the tendency to be bitches when you're not around.... But my biggest frustration is "Bebe" is ignoring me now... wrong tactics, wrong attacks, wrong strategies... hate it... feelin' bad about it... But life will always be this way... I will always be the Martin who is alone, pretentious and eager in searching for true happiness. Thanks to those who are giving me the air to breathe when I am suffocated with loneliness...

I miss my life... I miss myself.... I miss happiness...

things I should fuckingly be happy about

yeah... things that made me feel great:

I flunked my exams for the first time- another record breaking moment

teachers hate me for being so irresistibly cute

I have a very high IQ, so high that I could hardly understand my lessons

I engaged myself to a pot session inside the school...pot session of muriatic acid, zonrox and Lysol all at the same time....