i saw my ex

Today I Saw My Ex

I saw my Ex this day...
I pretended I did not saw my ex.
The past started to stir up about my ex...
I stopped my mind,
but it can't.

Today I saw my ex.
Past will always be a memory.
My ex was with my past,
But past can never be forgotten.
Today I saw my ex,
but today will just be a today.
Tomorrow be another day.
But today is different,
Because today I saw my ex.

ANOTHER MARKED DATE: july 28, 2007

This day must be remembered and any significant detail should be recorded.

1. It was PMT's Freshmen Initiation- I arrived super late.
Call time was 7am, I arrived 10am.
2. It was very fun- we got a chance to harass the freshmen.
I molested my crush and it was so ecstatic.
3. There was a "major confirmation"- 'he' was indeed molested by 'you-know-who'
(according to our own elucidation w/c I still don't believe)
4. Afterwards, we went to Time Square to chill out a bit-
with RedHorse of course.
5. 17 of us then moved to Lumpiga- it was fun and we are quite drunk.
I was blotto
Raymund was blotto
Troy was blotto
Chris was reddish... and blotto
Germane was okay at first,drank half of Light, and was then blotto too.
But RJ was the most blotto of us all.
He was blackout afterwards.
6. We had our separate ways then. Chris, Jemaimah, Germane and I dined in
Andoks Manduriao. We regained our real consciousness there.
7. Gem decided to sleep the night away in my place.
After a taxi ride (courtesy of Jem), Chris, Gem and I bond together in
our town plaza.
We had a silly ride on the swing.
We enjoyed the see-saw.
We had our cup of coffee and (cup noodles for Gem) in a 24 hour Carinderia.
We chit-chat.
evoked the day,critic the celebs, Gems Starstruck momento,
about ourselves, jokes and about nothing...
8. We went home by midnight.
9. Gem and I had a chit-chat again before sleeping.
We talked about her favorite cartoons- BUBU CHACHA!!!

The day was all fun and worth stirring up!!!

SOMEONE HATES ME

"Why is it a big deal to you? Mind not if he hates you!" This is what my friends told me when I opened-up this topic to them. Who cares anyway? Well I do. I don't know but I am bothered when I learned that somebody hates me without any good reason to. Was that shit feel jealous? Well jealous of what? It's funny but this is the first time I feel so crazy thinking someone is insecure of me. I'm quite inferior and it is so amusing if it is true. That shit is insecure of my damn self?! Wow, it's a compliment but it irritates me. I can't bear it. I'm so nice to be hated. It's a big deal because I wanted to be like. I want to be accepted. Well, true you can't please everybody. I learned to hate that dumb moron. It's his life- he lives in it. And this is mine and that bitch guy is nothing more than an accessory to my own stage play.

He is hated by everyone because he wanted his filthiness be smelled. Yes, it's true that everyone of us has it's own dark secrets but he is exposing all the skeletons off his closet. So dumb. Yes, in a way I have my own too, but I can't stand telling my nasty side. I admit it, I'm not that clean as anyone want to expect but I clear my side, I clean my own trash and I manage myself better than anyone. Nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. I have the right to hate that moron too.

It's my time to show how nasty I can be...

diary

MARK THIS DAY

1.namangkot siya sa 'kon kung nakabayad na photocopy sa handouts....

2.gin hatagan ko ni Gem sang pic- gin paScan ko dayun....

3.naghimo ko group sa friendster na kacheapan man- hindi man ko kabalo mung...hope hindi maglabay sa mga critics

4. bwas ang exam sa Statistics- dapat good ang result kay difficult round daw ang midterm

5. si Chris naghinanginun naman- kulang sa humility

6.gincheck namun kung sin-o ang slave namon... la lang....

7. sang gapun si Buringot naman ang topic sa tsismis...

8. upod kami ni Germane gina sa Cafeteria kag magtsismisanay eh...

9.si RJ gin kigan ni Chris- kian lang daw maghibi ang isa...

10.tani la lang ko 70's na grade....

11.nabasa ko na ang resume gin email ni nang joan... himuon ko na resume ko....

12.puli na ko, mahal na bill ko sa internet... la pa ko kailis...

THE BEST TATTLETALE

minsan sa buhay may mga bagay na dapat mung itago, mga sekretong iniingatan
at mga bahong pinipigilang huwag mangamoy.
yun bang mga bagay na takot kang malaman ng iba.
mga pagkakamaling pilit kinakalimutan at inaasahang huwag na sanang mahukay pa nang iba sa
sarili nitong libingan.
masakit ang masaktan.
obvious bah?
napakaredundant ko na nga?!

pero sa senting usapan,
ang tanong, pano isang araw nalaman na ng lahat, ano ang gagawin mo?

ipapasaDiyos ko nalang ang lahat...
wala nga talagang sekreto ang hindi naibubunyag.
mababa man ang paningin sa akin ng iba,'la na akong magagawa.
buhay ko to, at di ako perpekto.
nagsisi man ako sa mga kasalanan ko, desisyon ko ring maging bobo...
sayang nga lang dahi may pinagsisihan.
pero tapus na yon, headline na kung headline sa gossip sessions nila.
isipin ko nalang na "karma" ko nalang yun sa mga panghahayupak ko sa buhay ng iba...
give and take lang ang buhay...
its time for me to shine!

hello, pinoy kaya tayo?!
mahilig sa tsismis, masarap magtsismis at hobby ang tsismis..
natural lang ang pag-usapan at mapag-usapan,
ito ang natatanging enerhiyang nagpapalakas sa atin nang isan-daang porsyento.

ang buhay parang crayons,hindi sa lahat ng oras matitingkad,
may darker hues din na dapat gamitin na pangulay.

this is one of the darkest shade sa artwork na buhay ko.
pero I can handle it better than anybody else...
I won't live by their judgements, I have my personal verdicts.

I blundered once,
it made me smarter, stronger and thick-skinned...
I know they are glad because they had found out that the descreet guy
has a wicked side, worst than anyone else...
I don't care my fellow gossipmonger...

magsaya kayo, akin parin ang huling halakhak...
hahaha!!! (evil laugh)

the prelim

THE VACANT CHAIR

10:50am- i went upstairs for my next examination. After a few minutes of review and chit-chats with Sheranie with the football field as our site, I was trembling, my heart is so heavy and I can't easily breathe the normal air. Something's playing on my mind and it became so restless with thoughts so bothering. A lot of "what-if's" and "why's" keep on buzzing on my brain. This is not the typical exam in a boring subject with classmates I hardly knew.

I approached the door, I looked at the entire room. From a site of an empty armchair, i felt empty too. Now it was clear. The vacant armchair which was vacant for two consecutive meetings will remain vacant for the rest of the semester. I lost my inspiration. This classroom will forever be a boring one. I felt bad. My fingers are trembling as I write the possible answers for the exam in my own armchair. Not because I'm scared of getting caught but its due to the vacant seat a chair away fro my left. I was sad then. The teacher entered. The admission slips was passed. The questionnaires was passed. The examination started. The first six items of my answer sheet was still blank, like the vacant chair that I was fond of staring every class sessions before. I was losing hope then. But suddenly someone entered the room. It was the owner of the vacant chair! The owner was late. Yahoo! The owner did not drop the boring subject. Thank God, I won't be bored again listening about the social doctrines of the church and all those Latin stuffs I can't hardly memorize.

I finished the examination in an above average speed with the aid of the informative arm of my chair and the site of my classmate for the rest of the semester...

teacher terror- haiskul series

teacher terror- haiskul series

marAhil noong haiskul kayu, katulad rin tayo ng mga hilig gawin, paglaruan at pag usapan...
yung mga bagay na talagang may malaking kinalaman sa haiskul life naten...
yung topics na subject tlagang pag usapan nating malaki ang concern sa
haiskul careers natin noon..
mga diskusyon tungkol sa mga maiimpluwensiyang element sa ating pag-aaral...
specifically, ang mga masasamang elemento noong haiskul...
hindi yung mga B.I. nateng mga kaklase na walang gustong gawin lang sa buhay ay magbilyar,
magcounter srike at ginagawa tayong hosts ng mga parasites na ito
tuwing exams. hindi ko rin tinutukoy ang iba pang specie ng mga kutong lupa sa paaralan,
yung mga "kilala mu ba aku?" tipo ng personalidad, mga cheerleaders,
mga dancers na naggraduate lang ng
haiskul dahil sa pagshake dur bon bon sa tuwing may programs,
mga filing sikat, filing gwapo pero mukhang adik,
filing sosyal e mukha namang pokpok, filing astig na mga payatut,
at lahat na kafilingan noh!
pero hindi sila ang tinutukoy ko...
ang layu ko na ha..
sige na nga, sila talaga yung hilig natin pagkwntuhan during break.
sila ang hilig natin paglaruan kung makikita natin..
sila ang number 1 at indemand sa dami ng codenames...
gets nyo nah?
sila ang terror teachers natin na wala namangmagawa sa buhay kung hindi
pasakitan tayo..
at eto ang ilan sa listahan ko:

a. codenames: Donya Victorina, Its Raining Man, "ang bata ko nga si ano..."...
characteristics: matapobre,taas noo,umuulan pag nagsasalita,huwarang ina-
grabe kung ibida ang mga anak
abilities: siraan ang mga butihing estudyanteng gaya ko
isa sa mga activity namin sa TLE, at isa sa mga gawain namin e manahe..
xmpre, dat alam mu kng paano magsukat at para lalong maintindihan,
dinemonstrate nya sa klase at ako pa ang ginawang model..
nang sinusukat nya na ang balikat ko, sinabi niya bigla sa harap ng klase na:
"to, gamit ka bala tawas o deodorant.'
imagine?! pina amuy ko pa kaya sa kaklase kong si Heins..
sinabihan ko naman siya na "maam, la ko ya ah, basi imu na ya napanimahuan mu!"
most embarassing ko yun nung 1st yr..
isa pa, sa tuwing magdidiscuss siya ay di naman namin magetz kung paano niya maipapasik
sa topic ang kanyang mga butihing anak.. kilala na namin ang buong
pagkatao ng mg anak niya kahit hndi pa namin sila nakikita..

b.codenames: tiger lily, lilibeth, lord voldemort, Nitrofert Thrower
characteristics: mataray, grabe kung makatingin, confident sa pag ingles, mali mali naman
abilities: magyabang sa dami nang nagawa niyang pieces sa declamation, scripts sa plays,
oratorical pieces atbp., bilib na bilib ka naman sa kagalingan niya!
pero later mo nalang pala malalaman na gawa yun ng mga previous students niya...
bidang-bida sa galing sa pag ingles, pero nang nagkamuwang ka sa turo ng ibang mentors,
doon mu lang masasabing, "ang kapal ng mukhang magbidabidahan,
malimali naman ang grammar!
isang beses, she asked for a song number sa dating loveteam, as in ex-loveteam ng klase
namin... maabilidad, kaya dedma ang dalawa...
napikon si tigerlily....
wahaha!! tinapon ang malaking bote ng vitamins na mukhang fertilizer sa palay ang
container... ewan kung aprobado ng BFAD... mukhang cheap e...
syempre parang sine... NABASAG! sabay sigaw: "GO OUT!"
siyempre maabilidad rin kami pareho... labas kami kaagad..
sino ba ang ayaw ng walang pasok?
at sino bang ayaw sumigaw ng: "e,sino ngayon ang talo?!"

c. codenames: Kamsi,Matrona, Shades ni Mickey Mouse, Masamang Damo, Lola, ultimate D.O.W. ni Von
Characteristics: blurred ang mata, hanep magflirt sa boys... eeww... ang tanda-tanda naman
studentz enemy number 1...
abilities: magturo ng math at magpapaproject ng paper mosaic... rason: may polygons daw ang
ginupitgupit na nga papel... wahaha!
nagpagawa ng NDEP Corner- lang bayad, lang thank you!
nabangga ng jeep isang umaga... akala namin patay na...
kinahapunan- ayun, nagdiscuss pa ng algebraic expressions..
balibhasa masamang damu...
sira na ang mata... pati shades niya pangSIRA! akalain mu ba naman si Mickey Mouse ang desing?
class,dont throw your peanuts!

d. codenames: Sir Low Batt, low batt, low batton
Characteristics: low batt, low batt, parati nalang low batt
Abilities: hinihikayat ang mga studyante na matulog sa mga boring na klase...
hanep and pronunciation: sed for seed bah dong?!
hanep sa special effects... parating low batt...

e. codenames: dambuhala, balyena, dinsaur, laglag postiso
Characteristics:self-acclaimed kagandahan- mukha namang bading
abilities: ipinagpupunyagi ang kanyang kagandahang tanging siya lamang ang nakaka-alam...
reyna ng sermon, oras ang bibilangin hanggang matapos niya ang speech
na walang tema kung hindi ang kanyang hanep na kagandahan.
bawal ang kahit anong accessoring nauuso...
bawal ang beads, kulay sa buhok, colored socks, kakaibang earings at kahit
anu pang nagpapaganda. siya lang daw ang may karapatang magpaganda...


sige na, awat nah!!! past is past!!!

college na akow, anu bah?!

list of things that made me happy:

list of things that made me happy:




my new friends.
my true friends.
the developing friendships.
my new classmate.
my new crush.
my ultimate crushes.
my stalks...
my former classmates...
my former classmates that told me "na gwapo ako".
my gossip friends.
my embarassing moments that never embarassed me at all.
my current life...
my learnings from my past.
my ambitions...
my true friends again....
my music....
my favorite television programs...
my current life again...
my imaginations....
my talents....
my life again and again...
gifts, allowances and peso sign in general...
and lastly, my life!!!!

...la lang

my college life now is okey naman... la man gid serious probz... good thing i found good companies to be with... new sets of classmates, new setting, new faces to watch and new yums to stalk... wahaha... quite an interesting life.... i rest my pen...


wahaha...

i love my college life!!!

THE SOLITAIRE MYSTERY

THE SOLITAIRE MYSTERY


Jostein Gaarder



lines to think about:



'when you feel guilty, you tend to be a little more generous'



'my advice to those who are going to find themselves is:stay exactly where you are. Otherwise you are in great danger of losingyourself forever'

'the more beautiful a woman is, the more difficulty she has finding herself'



'I've thought a great deal about this. Dad came into the world because of afall of Man, but can't everyone trace the roots back to Adam and Eve? I knowthe comparison stumbles a little. One case revolves around apples and the otheraround cowberries. But the inner tube that brought Grandma and Grandpa togetherdoes look a little like the snake that tempted Adam and Eve'



'even though the the universe is huge, it doesn't necessarily mean that this planet is a pea'



'the best medicine for sorrow is anger'



'I agree that it is a bit of a mystery. There are five billion people livingon this planet. But you fall in love with one particular person, and you won'tswap her for any other'



'this (cockroach) is too fat for us to kill it, Hans Thomas.It's so big it has to be called an individual, and you never beat individuals to death, even if you do feel a little uncomfortable in their presence'



'life is one huge lottery where only the winning tickets are visible'



'when people are interested in the "supernatural", they suffer from remarkableblindness'



'I thinkthe whole universe is intended. You'll see there is some kind ofpurpose or other behind all the myriads of stars and galaxies'



'our lives are part5 of a unique adventure...most of us think the world is 'normal'and are constantly hunting for something abnormal- like angels or Martians. But that is just because we don't realise the world is a mystery. As for myself, I felt completely different. I saw the world as an amazing dream. I was hunting for some kind of explanation of how everything fitted together'



'if our brain was simple enough for us to understand it, we would be so stupidwe wouldn't be able to understand it after all'



'nothing of waht we create in our minds is aware of itself'



'there are always new days ahead'



'God is sitting in heaven laughing at us because we don't believe in Him. Even though he didn't leave his calling card behind, He did leave the world.I think that's fair enough'



'A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were once discussing Christianity.The brain surgeon was Christian, but the cosmonaut was't. "I have been in outerspace many times," bragged the cosmonaut,"but I have never seen any angels."The brain surgeon stared in amazement, but then he said, "And I have operatedon many intelligent brains, but I never seen a single thought."'



'when you ralise there is something you don't understand, then you're generallyon the right path to understanding all kinds of things.'



'But they are still fantasy- and fantasy has the wonderful ability to keep what was once created, young and full of life for ever.'



'a young child sits building sandcastles in a sandbox. it constantly build something new, something which it treasures for only amoment before it knocks it all down again.in the same way, Time has been given a planet to play with.this is where the history of the world is written,this is where the events are engraved- and smoothed over again.this is where life bubbles like in a witch's cauldron.one day we'll be modelled here, too- from the same brittle material as our ancestors.the wind of Time blows through us, carries us and is us- then drops us again.we are conjured up and tricked away.ther is always something lying and brewing in anticipation of taking our place.because we are not standing on sand- we are sand.you cannot hide from Time. you can hide from kings and emperors, and possibly from God,but you can't hide from Time.Time follows our every move, because everything around us is immersed in this transient element.Time doesn't pass. and Time doesn't tick. we are the one who pass, and our watches tick.Time eats its way through history as silently and relentlessly as the sun risesin the east and sets in the west. it topples great civilisations, gnaws at ancient monuments, and wolfs down generation after generation.That's why we speak of the "ravages of time." Time chews and chomps-and we are the ones between its jaws.'



'For fleeting moment, we are part of a furious swarm. we run around the earth as though it was most obvious thing of all. you saw how the ants crawled and crept up at the Acropolis! But everything will disappear.it will disappear and be replaced with new multitudes, because people are alwaysstanding in line. Shapes and masks come and go, and new ideas are always popping up. themes are never repeated, and a composition never shows up twice...There is nothing as complicated and precious as a person, my boy- but we aretreated like trash'



'we skip around on earth like characters in a fairy tale. we nod and smile at each other as if to say, "Hi there, we're living at the same time! we're in the same reality- or the same fairy tale..." Isn't it incredible?We live on a planet in the universe, but soon we'll be swept out of orbit again.Abracadabra- and were gone.'



'If we had lived another century, we would have shared our lives with different people. today, we can easily nod and smile and say hello to thousands of our contemporaries:"Hi there! How strange we should be living at exactle the same time." Or perhaps Ibump into someone and open the door and shout:"Hi soul!"'



'we're alive, you know, but we live this only once. we open our arms and declare that we exist, but when we are swept aside and thrust into the debths of history. Because we are disposable. we are part of aneternal masquerade where the masks come and go. but we deserve more.you and i deserve to have our names engraved into something eternal, something that won't be washed away in the great sandbox.'



'thoughts don't flow. you see, I have sung only the first verse. the philosophers in Athens believed that there was also something which didn't run.Plato called this the "world of ideas". the sandcastle isn't always the important thing.what is most important is the image of a sandcastle which the child had pictured before it started to build. Why do you think the child knocks the sandcastle down as soon as it is finished?' 'Have you ever wanted to draw or make something but you just haven'tbeen able to get it right? you try over and over again, without giving up.it is because the image you have in your head is always more complete than the representations you try to form with your hands. It is the same as everything we see around us. we think everything could be better, and do you know whywe do that? it's because all the images inside our heads have come from the world of ideas.That's where we really belong, you know- not down here in the sandbox, where timesnaps at everything we love.'



'so there is another world, then?'"it was our soul before it lodged itself in a body, and it will return there when the bodyand it will return there when the body succumbs to the reveges of time."'is that true?''well, that's what Plato thought. our bodies have the same faith as the sandcastles in thesandbox, nothing can be done about it. that's because it doesn't belong here.we need to look up from everything flowing around us and see what it is all a representation of.'



'i had never taken the time to experience these wild animals because I had seen them sooften. It was the asme with everything- with the whole world, i thought to myself.as long as we are children, we have the ability to experience things around us-but then we grow used to the world. to grow up is to get drunk on sensual experience.'



'Time is turning me into an adult. Time is also making the ancient temples crumble and evenolder islands sink into the sea. was there really a sticky-bun bookin the biggest of the four buns in the bag?no question crosses my mind more often. As Socrates said, the only thing that I know is thatI know nothing. But I am positive there is still a joker roaming around the world. He will make sure that the world never rests. Whenever possible- and wherever possible- alittle fool will jump out wearing a donkey ears and jingling bells. he will look deepinto our eyes and ask, Who are you? Where do we come from?"



THANKS TO MY COUSIN TWINKLE, I WAS ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THIS WONDERFUL MOMENT...

para maerase na ang mga txtmessages na toh sa pipitsugin kung cellphone...





sa lahat ng kaibigan kong nagmahal sa akin,
salamat!

sa mga lumoko sa akin, may araw din kayo!

sa mga nagpakilig sa akin, this year ulit ha!

sa mga nanira sa akin, sige lang, para sikat...

sa mga nangutang na nalimutan na kong bayaran,
may interet na yan!

sa mga nagpaiyak sa akin, iiyak din kayo!

sa mga taong nagshare ng experience sa life at
advices, ganun parin ha?

sa taong pinakamamahal ko,
mahal na mahal kita...

at sa bumabasa nito,

psst... ingat ka palagi huh?!
walang limutan!

-Grechelle,ssc
03-04-07 12:01am

i want to love like the rain...
it pours so hard but it takes so slow to fade
and when its gone, it leaves something behind...
it cries a tearful pain, but it washes away hurts...
it seldom comes but its just up there...
i'll be like the rain...
holding on, until my clouds decides to let me go...

-ian,medtech
15-05-07 12:14am

its tough to make a stand in this world
where everyone expects you to be cool and in.
but being who you are will not make you uncool...
rather its a chance to make yourself stand out...

-edlene,ssc
07-06-07

God has a reason for allowing things to happen,
we may never understand His wisdom
but we simply have to trust His will...

-felix,medtech
17-06-07 9:28pm

i admire those people who can stay calm
despite too much pain
but i love those that cry for a while
but after the tears have fallen
you'll see a real fighter the moment they start again
to smile...

-dan,ssc
19-06-07 8:32pm

we all have to lose sometimes before we can win.
we have to cry sometimes before we can smile.
we have to hurt before we can be strong...
but if you keep on working and believing,
you'll have victory in the end.

-ariane,medtech
23.06.07 11:27pm

implications of a terrible disease called pride...
-you always dont want to be the one to do the step
to be with someone.
-you always try to hide your feelings...
-you dont want others to know that you are hurt...
-your afraid of telling someone is special...
-you're afraid of losing someone but afraid to show it...
your afraid to love someone whom you think can't love you back.
-you're so aware of what others think that you can't do what you want...
-you're not happy...
-in the end, you lose everything without even trying to have it...

-tessa,medtech
24.06.07 4:34pm

here's a sweet truth:



someday,



someone will walk into your life and



make you realize




why



it never worked out
with anyone else...

-humbeline.medtech
27.06.07 11:01am

expressing that you remember someone,



can just be this simple...

-sheryl,commerce
27.06.07 09:14pm

a brilliant mind is useless without a fighting heart.
in life's challenges,
you make an impression with what you say
but you make a name with what you do.

-27.06.07 10:03pm

ID RATHER have a friend who:

1. slaps me infront of many people then being
stabbed at my back.
2. curses me infront of my face than being talked behind me
3. talks shit and says my faults,
than being insulted without me even noticing it.
4. leaves me but knows when to come back
than being with someone who's mind isn't with me at all.


i want a real friend,

the one who can hurt me
but will heal the pain.


not some fake ones,

who pretends to be there listening but doesn't act at all...

-germane,medtech

we can never be happy with someone that was wrong...
but if somewhere along the way waht was wrong has made us happy...
then it must have been right all along...

-bretzy,ssc
28.06.07 01:29pm

sometimes we put too much passion on
the biggest dreams and priorities in life
that we fail to love the smallest pleasures from simple things.
we search so much for the right choices,
for the right paths to walk through,
for the right time
and for the right reasons.
but life isn't about searching for the things that can be found.
its about letting the unexpected happen
and finding the things you never searched for...

-catherine,medtech
28.06.07 09:22pm

the value of waiting


is a value of a lifetime


if we know how to wait,


life shall be easy because

God knows what to give us in the right time!

-humbeline,medtech
29.06.07 09:16am

when lola died

my dream about death

i woke up in the middle of the night,my heart was beating so fast.
my eyes were still closed.i wanted to open it up but the chill in the
tip of my toes tell me not to. i feel someone is in the end side of my bed,
i can feel the lowering of the bed near my left leg. a weight is really in there.
someone is really sitting in my bed.i was half hesitated to open my eyes, or just an eye.
but then, i opened my eyes. i saw an old lady in white.
she is sitting sideways, as if waiting for me to raise myself up. then i was goosebumped.
my body felt so cold. my body is shaking. then my facial muscles started to contract,
forcing my mouth to open. i can't close my mouth as if it was stiffed. i close my eyes.
still i can sense that she is still here. she is really here.
i manage to close my mouth. still my eyes are deeply closed.


i dreamed of a coffin. a coffin in a funeral procession.
but i can see the body. an old mans body. while the procession is on going,
i look at the coffin. as if the one inside is moving. it truly moves...
suddenly the mouth opened, as if grasping for air. the eyes opened.
the body went out of the coffin. he stood and look directly on me in view.
he uttered something. something which i couldn't remember. it was somewhat an intuition.

i woke up. now, i truly woke up. it scared me, was that an omen? a sign? a bad sign?
will i die? then, i was in my well-being. i remembered.
a couple of nights ago, my grandmother died. was it her on my bed? what for?
was it really a warning? a self premonition?

what about highlights?

what about highlights?


i don't know.i often start my sentences with this if I'll be asked about highlights.
i don't know. it is just so weird that "it" became a huge deal to me.
i don't know, i just can't understand myself when i talk about it.
it's funny that it became an important part of my life.
i always look for it.
i am longing for it.
but i know my boundaries, i recognize the end line.
i am just a starer, no more, no less.
being with it is a luxury,
i only stare from afar.
but when that happens, my day is already complete.
when it smiles, it stays for a week.
but when it stares back, butterflies in my stomach remained until it is forgotten.
i don't think this is love...
its just a big admiration.
but if love is possible, i'll give mine wholeheartedly.
it is but a dream that never can be a reality.
to talk to it is my ambition.
to know it better, to say my hi's and hello's to it, to be even just a friend-
my inner desire.

there are times that i fell a tear for it.
the reason, why can't it all be real?
why was this world build of protocols to be accepted?
why do i have to care to what would others be saying?
why couldn't I be a part of its life?

they are all my childish insecurities, nothing else...

highlights will be nothing but a picture of inspiration.
a cloud of fantasy
and a tearful reality.

if 'it' just know...